RSSArrested & Charged in Peru, Murderer Joran Van der Sloot Caption Contest
Joran Van der Sloot has finally been arrested and charged with murder in Peru for the death of Stephany Flores. It is just too bad that Aruba did not do their job five years earlier in the death and disappearance of Natalee Holloway.
My how the tables have turned on the arrogant, gangsta, wanna be pimp. Hey Joran, I bet you are wishing all your issues were the extortion charges on Alabama.
Welcome to the Joran Van der Sloot “Caption Contest”
Have at it folks … give us your best caption …
Can I just say we never get tired of playing this VIDEO
Remember the once smug “Sporter” in Aruba five years ago
We shall start … DAMN, THIS AIN’T ARUBA, who is going to get me coffee and cake?
Posted June 12, 2010 by Scared Monkeys Aruba, Crime, Joran Van der Sloot, Murder, Natalee Holloway, Stephany Flores, You Tube - VIDEO | 134 comments |
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134 Responses to “Arrested & Charged in Peru, Murderer Joran Van der Sloot Caption Contest”
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I smell Julia Renfro.
COP: I smell Aruba!
What’s that SMELL?
Shango must have farted.
cop smells urine just shit his pants
Who knew that Lynyrd Skynyrd was singing about Joran Van der Sloot? Talk about some fitting lyrics, including that “Monkey” on his back.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6q9nBusrq8
Whiskey bottles, and brand new cars
Oak tree you’re in my way
There’s too much coke and too much smoke
Look what’s going on inside you
Ooooh that smell
Can’t you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Angel of darkness is upon you
Stuck a needle in your arm
So take another toke, have a blow for your nose
One more drink fool, will drown you
Ooooh that smell
Can’t you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
…
One little problem that confronts you
Got a monkey on your back
Just one more fix, Lord might do the trick
One hell of a price for you to get your kicks
Ooooh that smell
Can’t you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Ooooh that smell
Can’t you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
RED
1 week, no bath – even my thoughts smell like ass.
Damn, how could I have mixed it up so badly? How many times did Daddy Sloot tell me, “No Body, No Crime.”
R
Oh Shyte Red…you beat me to the punch…and the latest JVDS article quotes Skynerd ” give me three steps, give me three steps mister, give me three more to the door”.
Prophets.
‘So, being a psychopath serial killer isn’t just fun…
It has a backlash to it as well. Hmmm… Hadn’t thought of that before…’
Damn! that story worked in Aruba.
Holy cow, son! Is that your breath or your britches I smell???
Caption contest top photo
Guard in the left: “Hey your buddies are waiting to play a little poker with you as soon as you get to Castro Castro.”
JVDS: “Poker? You mean they let us play poker in prison? Cool?”
Guard in the left: “No not that kind of poker you fool. This kind of poker. Where every hand they your opponents go all in!”
JVDS: “Ahhhhh, oooooo, I want my mommie!”
(Reminds me of the guy from Men in black)
“Listen monkey boy, compared to you humans, I’m on the top rung of the evolutionary ladder, so can it, alright”
I know it’s dumb, but he really does remind me of the roach guy in men in black, and that was the first line I could find.
Joran-”What the heck smells”
Cop – “Did you crap your pants”?
Joran- “No”
Cop checking Joran’s pants- “I thought you said you didn’t crap your pants?”
Joran- “Oops, Me bad, I thought you meant today?”
Cop- “This is a good place for a stickup!”
#9, I am sorry … great minds think alike.
R
Joran says, ” Are those fruit and veggies they are throwing at me? Damn, they cheered me in Aruba.”
Or … “are those fruit and veggies the Peruvian people are throwing at me … do they have coffee and cake as well”.
R
mommy
mommy i made a poo poo
In the midst of the caption contest, I’d like to commend Scared Monkeys, Red, and everyone involved here for the excellent and sustained coverage of this case over the years. I am simply in awe of your efforts! I don’t bother going anywhere for crime news discussion other than scaredmonkeys.net. Many thanks to you for providing this unequaled service.
____________
SM: Much appreciated and many kudos to all of you who hoped and prayed that one day this killer would get exactly what was coming to him. I had said many years ago that there was a special place in hell for Joran Van der Sloot. He is about to find it.
R
I hate these freakin cavity searches!
Batman & Robin??
Holly Peruvian Cow Batman!! What is that smell?! But I gotta say I do love the new cape.
JVDS (grunting): Can..you..kindly..remove..that..nightstick..now?
Cop on right: Oh Gringo, that is no nightstick. Say Hello to my leetle friend.
Gowan – A Criminal Mind Lyrics
Album:
You see my hands are steady
You’ve seen my face before
Soon you can take your last look
And they’ll close the door
I stand accused before you
I have no tears to cry
And you will never break me
Till the day I die
(chorus)
A criminal mind
Is all I
All I’ve ever known
They tried to reform me
But I’m made of cold stone
My criminal mind
Is all I
All I’ve ever had
Ask one who’s known me
If I’m really so bad…
I AM
What Elmer (#20) says!!!
All the effort you’ve put in this 5 year long story, and this site! Many, many kudo’s to all you SM writers and moderators!
“But I don’t like soap on a rope”.
One hell of a price for you to get your kicks.
(from Lynyrd Skynyrd–so appropriate)
Oh no! They hate me here….I”m all alone and can’t get out of this mess or did I just… OH NO!
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y26/Rebelyn/mib_008VincentDOnofrio-1.jpg
Why I chose the “Men in Black” quote. LOL
Ouch mommy they shoved a stick up my Ass and said get used to it bitch
Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce…
My name is Matt Foley, and I am a motivational speaker! Before I begin, I want to tell you a little about myself, so you’ll know where I’m coming from. First off, I am 35 years old.. I am thrice divorced.. and I live in a van down by the river! We’ll start with you young man! Now, let me begin with an obvious question: Who threw the egg?
These are soooo good but, I absolutely love #23′s caption!!!!
Does this yellow hair die go with my red face?
To add to #20: how can anyone let the story go when they consider what the Holloway family has been put through? Now Stephany’s family, unfortunately, has to endure some of that nightmare.
Joran practices his “O” face…
Good-Bye Yellow Haired Toad !
(credit for that should go to someone on another thread- but it was so good it was worth repeating)
I can only imagine what is going on in his mind.
I don’t think he’s liking being forced to go to and fro. His sweatshirt looks really dirty. He’s probably tired of having his head pushed on. BUT,
“Don’t do the crime, if you can’t do the time.”
“I coulda been a contender”
Now I know how Jesus felt…
poor me, wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-h!
I hear that American president is lookin’ for an ass to kick. Sh*t, I hope it’s not mine!
I guess I am not seeing everything but I do not see a red face…
Officer, you guys got any Depends?
Uh…Leroy Farted
Oh mama, I’m in fear for my life from the long arm of the law
Lawman has put an end to my running and I’m so far from my home.
The renegade who had it made retrieved for a bounty
Never more to go astray
This will be the end today of the wanted man.
(Renegade.. Styx)
Castro Castro inmates: “Gettin me some warm Danish!”
“I don’t always kill, but when I do, I prefer to be on Aruba”
He is: The Netherlands Most Interesting Man
‘Hmmm. Gingers DO have souls… But OK, I’m not a natural ginger. I’m just a wannabee.’
I am so f**ked!!!!!!
man! that first buttshot was tight !!!!
I forgot another one:
Why does everyone hate me like Osama bin Laden?
I want my Mama……………….
“She made me do it! She put her chocolate in my peanut butter!”
JORAN: ‘Oh Patrick… Die jail is VIIIIEEEEESSSSZZ* Patrick. Viessssz* I tell you.
And bad weeeeeed! And they have these guys there that are the lovers of other guys. Imagine Patrick… VIIIIIEEEESSSZ* Patrick.
Patrick: And how are you going to deal with that?
Joran: Well…, yes…, Opportunistic probably. Grab every chance by the horns. You know, you can grow here. Have a sort of career. As friend and… lover. I think I can have my finger in this prisons pie. In the future maybe I can bring in some girls; pimping within the walls of Castro Castro.
* Vies litterally translated is: dirty. But it’s often used as sharp, edgy, and so on.
“Oh,Crap… Just soiled myself”
Adriannnnnnnnnnnnnnn . . .
“Pizz-Guzzler??..I don’t like my prison nickname!!”
“Relax, compadre; it only hurts the FIRST time!”
“I KNEW I should have taken that left at Santiago!”
“Un poquito to the right. Stop! That’s it. Now grab your ankles!”
“Wait a minute…this isn’t the airport shuttle. You mean I’m NOT going back to Aruba now? But, you said…what about my immunity? Oh, God…NO!”
Grrrrrr. I am so mad I could kill someone right now with my bare hands. Oops already did that.
Need to pay off one of Joran’s guards to pass by his cell every once and a while and leave monkey droppings behind. Like the eventual winner of this caption contest for starters.
“Here’s your lovely parting gift — an official Miguel Castro Castro crying towel — and thanks again for playing.”
Okay; I got it. The tattoo on his chest apparently is Thai for “No Worries” So how about this…….
“No Worries, be happy.”
“No, they’re not booing you. They’re cheering ‘SLOOT!’”
Wow! That kind of feels good.
Can’t believe my effin’ father went and effin’ died on me. I need his effin’ money and his effin’ connections right now. Effin’ selfish dad.
———————————————-
Thanks, Scared Monkeys. I’ve been depending on you for 5 years now to keep us updated on our precious Natalee. You are all amazing.
“VIVA PERU – The Sloot’s in the POO!!!”
No, Frederic, THIS KIND OF FEELS SUPER FANTASTIC WONDERFUL!
I wonder how far I can get my fist up his a**. He will need to relax more for when the other prisoners have their way with him.
Hey, where are the videos of him faking the coffee run?
“OMG Joran, that’s your momma?”
Oh where is my daddy, now that I’ve screwed up again?
Thanks scared monkeys for keeping this case in the minds of all caring citizens world wide. We all knew that Aruba protected this POS and his family.
There is a report that Paulus Vander Sloot owned a house of prostitution and was involved in illegal human trafficing. No way to confirm this. But I would not be suprised.
Also that Aruban authorities are asking for possession of Joran’s laptop computer. I hope that Iterpol,Preru’s LE and the FBI put a nix on this. I wouuldn’t trust that bunch of corrupt Aruban LE with any piece of evidence.
one down
34 yrs 364 days to go
Mommmmmmmyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not time to cheer yet. Never underestimate the power of a sociopath to manipulate those around him. Let’s hope that Peru is proof against the Poor Lil Dutch Boy.
I’m at a loss to understand how he was not prosecuted for trafficking Thai girls. Is this a rumor or confirmed? Or is it just Aruba’s national sport? Help me out here.
This boy skates around the law like he’s Dorothy Hamill. He’s not technically a serial killer yet – he only has two confirmed kills -although I don’t doubt he has more blood on his hands than we know. Given his propensity for lying, we may never know. His boldness probably saved him through the years, although it failed him on this run.
I don’t think he will give up Natalee’s gravesite without torture, and by that I mean, “If we don’t find her, we’ll put you there –alive – piece by piece.” It’s too valuable a bargaining chip for him to give up without torture. But he doesn’t look real stoic to me. I think I could break him in about five minutes, and I applaud the Peruvians for doing so.
We all know what we’d like to see happen to Joran, but the important thing is that Peruvian officials stay cool and work this case right (they made a good start with charging him with robbery) and hopefully, once he is sentenced, once they have him out of contact with Mummy and his attorney in Castro-Castro, nail his scrotal sac to a chair and give Beth the resulting info he’ll be screaming. There can be no justice for Natalee until there is justice for Stephanie.
Watch and wait, people. He’s slipped the noose before. Let’s hope he won’t slime his way out of this, too.
Yes, that is Anita’s see thru shirt in my backpack
Here’s the steak you ordered. You can have a cigarette when I’m done.
“I don’t always kill, but when I do, I prefer to be on Aruba”
- my favorite
Guard: Joran, assume the position….
Joran: What did I do now zoogeeper????
An old O’Jays song goes through his head… “Muchahos around the place… Join in… Start a love train… LOVE TRAIN!”
MisUnderstood or akmom maybe you can bring this into discussion as I am not approved yet. I believe the bruises on stephany’s feet are from her being restrained, belt or something restrictive enough to prevent her from kicking if she came to, or acted reflexively when she was coming to. as I think she was lucid for some of the time during her injuries. If you look up LIVOR MORTIS you will see that the forensocs cab determine time of death from lividity- pooling of blood after death, the feet being retrained means that the clood would not immediately pool there and when he removed the belt ( or whatever the restraint was) the blood would collect there slower and the skin and tissues would not be the same color as the rest of the surrounding area.
______________________________________
SM: I approved you the other day or at least someone with the same email address (klaasend)
Why do I have to wear this stupid blanket?
So everyone will know who the target is senor.
Keep that piece of garbage in Peru. Don’t turn him over to the Dutch. The punishment is to soft in The Netherlands. We hope his ass is flexable enough to last for 35 years.
My favorite:
“1 week, no bath – even my thoughts smell like ass.”
—A Carpe Original
and the kalpoe brothers???? are they going to be free forever???
Shit that hurt! now a nail gun?
The look of the lost, peering into hell.
Foot-For-A-Face to Fug Up Castro Castro…Film at 11
Aruba needs to keep there hands off of everything…anything they do is corrupt…and there is no justice there…!!!Joran lies and he lies and he lies..!!!
Caption contest aside, my gut says the boy is wanting to lash out in rage and attack everyone around him….that’s the impression I get from the way his forehead is crunched up. He is furious!!
Damn it, my ass is screwed and I forgot to pick up a tube of KY Jelly!!
I am not sure why I feel rather sad about Joran..he is getting what he deserves and I think justice will be served but he also looks like a lost child. I put some of the blame on Paulus and Anita for his behavior, they showed him the way to hide and lie to get out of facing reality, they covered for him and said “Natalee is only one girl”…leading the way for him to feel superior to everyone else and having no feelings of remorse. A wasted life that took others who had just started on their lives.
#91 – Brenda
I agree. Putting it mildly, Urine van der Slut is a very ANGRY, EMOTIONALLY DISTURBED MONSTER. The anger on his ugly mug is clearly shining through. Urine is definitely pissed because he got caught and he knows there’s no way to escape. Urine is mad at the world right now and will be until the day he dies.
If Urine could, he would take out everyone around him and make a run for it. Anita and/or the Aruban/Dutch authorities cannot protect Urine this time.
The news is reporting he wants out of his cell already. Didn’t take long for that and he’s not even in the prison yet. He has a cell of his own. He’s afraid he will be killed if he stays in Peru. Wants to give the information on Natalie Holloway now…sorry Joran, you waited too long. I hope Peru doesn’t fall for this one. Also, notice in the video when he is outside of the room with 2 cups of coffee. He has already changed his shirt which means he has already killed her. He then pretends and knocks on the door, looks at the camera, spins around, and disappears to have an attendant open the room. Setting up your fake alibi? He said he came back to the room and found her on the computer and became enraged and killed her…then how could your shirt be changed when you left the other one over her body. Another lie! Peru be aware.
WHats this about the Arubans wanting his computer. No way! When are the Peruvian judges going to give permission for that laptop to be gone thru? What’s taking so much time? That computer holds the answers and Peru needs them.
# 91 – Brenda – I agree. Urine van der Slut is a VERY ANGRY, EMOTIONALLY DISTURBED MONSTER. If he could, he would take out everyone around him and try to make a run for it. If Urine ever did escape, he would be brutally beaten to death by the Peruvian people. Anita and/or the Aruban/Dutch authorities cannot protect him this time.
Urine’s so called “bargaining chip” will not benefit him either.
“It Takes A Village to Raise A Child”
“It Takes An Island to Raise A Murderer”!
Amended Caption:
“It Takes a Village to Raise A Child”
“It Takes An Island to Raise A Murderer”
“It Takes Peru to Set Things Straight”
#95 and #96 – Barbara
Urine van der Slut wants out of his cell already…lmao??? Poor lil’ COLD BLOODED MURDERER…NOT!! Thank God Peru will not cater to Urine’s every cry the way ALE and the Netherlands did.
I agree, there’s no way in HELL ALE or the Netherlands will ever have custody of Urine’s computer. ALE wants to destroy Urine’s computer, just like they did all of the other evidence in Aruba when Natalee disappeared.
“Clinched Buttocks, 11 days and holding – You’ll Never Get Me!”
Brilliant statement by 76.
Stay focused monkeys.
And get your fists ready to do your own knocking on some doors.
Natalee’s family needs our collective fists together: WE NEED TO DEMAND JUSTICE FOR NATALEE HOLLOWAY.
This American citizen cannot be left behind in the decay and corruption of Aruba.
WE NEED TO BRING HER HOME.
Did Joran swallow his sim card from the phone that he gave away?
Constipation, Joran?
Lisa, I like your village one the best!
A sporter no more …
From Sporter to Shitter, thanks to Peru.
Brenda and Susan, I get the same feeling too. Joran van der Sloot would be the kind of person that Al-Qaeda would recruit for terrorism.
I am filled with admiration and respect for the Peruvian authorities and the people.
I believe the boy is so out of touch with the reality he is unable to realize the consequences of his what his actions WILL be in Peru. Under the assumption Arubian authorities will somehow take custody of him and bring him back to “his” island. OR..if he were to be brought to Aruba to give another story of what happened to Natalee, they would somehow be able to prevent him from having to return to face the music in Peru.
No, boy lived in a world both Paulus and Anita created by CHOSING to live such a lifestyle of corruption. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
My father (God rest his soul) once told me, “Children are nearly always on the outside what the parents REALLY are on the inside. They live what they learned watching at home where folks do not worry about hiding what they really are.” How true. Murdurous Anita and Paulus true personalities coming out in the form of their oldest boy.
For those who consider the Bible authentic, it says persons who were leaders in Israel could NOT HAVE children who were rebellious and expect to be afforded such an important position. Why? If not the parent’s fault in part for an unruly child, there would be NO reason for that rule. Right?
Oh dear boy-de Sloot. You are not fealing HALF of what your victims felt. How many are there boy-VDS? In Aruba, in Peru, in Thailand? Where else have you travelled? Who else have you deceived that cannot speak for themselves ever again? Does anyone know besides you and your victim
I think I’d best stop using multiple dots. Seems to be putting me to spam. :>(
Maybe he can tell us now if it’s true blondes have more fun.
the picture needs no caption.. Peru has wiped the smug look off of his face.. We’ve all waited a long time to see that happen. I’m sorry it took the death of another girl to finally bring it to fruition.. prayers for peace to Natalee and Stephany’s families..
Take your hands off of me! I am Prince Joran of Aruba!
Selena, where did you find that information? We also heard that Joran used a belt on Natalee, if we recall his belt was a topic for along time. Selena glad you are here!
“You said you would be gentle”
Gee! I’m really looking forward to meeting Bertha, Pedro, Burnice, Mary and the ladies. I hear they’re at Castro Castro prison.
Best to pull your teeth now for you own safety, puru don’t have any use for your teeth.. plus you will be very helpful if they don’t want to walk all the way to the piss bucket.. Isn’t your name Uran bucket?
I totally agreed #108′s comment. You need to have a son of B parents than, you will have son of B children. Wake up anita, you still have two more children. Do you really want them become your beloved Joran?
OH SHIZZLE, IMMA ‘Bout to get prison RAPED!!!
Is the blanket covering my open fly?
“If I’m lying, I’m dying”
The Dana Pretzer Show On Scared Monkeys Radio – Sunday, June 13th, 2010 – Special Guests: Clint Van Zandt, Diane Fanning, Jessica Taloney, Robin Sax & Blink from Blink on Crime
Listen tonight at 9 pm et
http://scaredmonkeys.com/2010/06/13/the-dana-pretzer-show-on-scared-monkeys-radio-%e2%80%93-sunday-june-13th-2010-%e2%80%93-special-guests-clint-van-zandt-diane-fanning-jessica-taloney-robin-sax/
Tonight Dana welcomes special guests:
1. Dr Clint Van Zandt, Retired FBI discussing the FBI and Joran Vandersloot Extortion Case
2. Author Diane Fanning discussing the Steve Nodine Case Murder and The Politician
3. WKRG TV Reporter Jessica Taloney on the Steve Nodine Case
4. Robin Sax on The Joran Vandersloot Confession
5. Blink from Blink on Crime will be discussing the the case of missing 7 year old Kyron Hormon in Oregon. Get the updates on this missing persons case and some bizarre circumstances in this case.
Little Dutch Boy Gets Plugged.
Oh Sunny – That’s funny!
~
They should promise Joran that if he tells where Natalie is and they do find her remains then he can return to Aruba, free as a bird, then just as he has done, say , “Oh, we lied.” We already know where she is. A murderer follows the same path that has worked for him before. He had current charts on him when arrested in Chile and stated to police in Peru he was trying to figure out how to dump Stephanie in the ocean. Peru keep him! Put him in one of your prisons. Let him experience and know what fear really is.
A face that only a mother could love!
OUCH! OOCH! OUCH! No…No, not up my van der sloot again Pedro!
OOO! Bob Etheridge is a violent mother f..ker.
or
From cooking in the sun to the Dutch oven
News Joran
KILLING HAS IT’S DOWNSIDE!!!!
“The blanket will serve as your toilet paper. Oh, I smell you’ve already used it.”
eewwwwfww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That must be your soul I smell; could it be rotting already???????????????????
“My van der Pooper is fightened”
Joran’s expression upon learning what he will have to do to keep his cell mate happy!
” I want my mommy, my poop shoot hurts”
Is that bread burning? Joran is toast!