BREAKING NEWS!!! MUST CREDIT Postcards from the Pug Bus:
LOS ANGELES – Buoyed by the zero-to-warp-speed acceleration of her Carl’s Jr baby-let-me-wash-your-Bentley commercial, pop icon Paris Hilton is expected to announce at a press conference tomorrow that she will open a chain of car washes throughout North America.
Hilton’s latest (ad)venture was inspired by the overwhelming popularity of the sixty-second clip, featured on the www.spicyparis.com website, in which she lovingly soaps down a glistening black Bentley that appears to be moving even though it’s standing still. The film clip, in which Hilton wore a virtual black bathing suit, was so popular that the website developed a migraine and had to rest for four hours in its second day of operation because of the astonishing amount of traffic it received.
“I discovered that where their cars are concerned, most people really do believe that cleanliness is next to godliness,” said Hilton, “especially if cleanliness comes dressed in a revealing bathing suit and strikes naughty poses.”
Sam Buttofuco, president of the Car Wash Association of America, believes the time is right for a “high-end car wash operation with a classy, sexually orientated undertone.” Buttofuco noted that most car washes are about as appealing as “your basic laundromat.” That is, they’re dank, dodgy, and not the sorts of places to inspire sexual fantasies, unless you’re a raging perv to begin with.
Wow, really Wow…
(How many people will read this and not realize this is satire?)